Q&A 1: Dating, feeling overwhelmed and coming home from my travels
On Wednesday last week, World Mental Health Day images and captions flew across social media as everyone did their bit in raising awareness.
Many of you will know that, I too, am super passionate about mental health, I’m passionate about its awareness and about the way in which we each look after our own.
I also feel responsible for my role on the internet and the part I could be playing in other peoples mental health.
This is why I decided to reach out to you on Instagram stories with an opportunity to ask me questions and forward on any assumptions you have of me so that I can answer and address them.
I loved how 80% of the questions you asked were about relationships lol.
There are many things I keep private and my dating life is one of them. I don’t think boomeranging my date and reviewing my date dinners is going to get us off to a good start so that will stay private but I will answer a little more than usual in today’s post.
Come on then, let’s do it. Let’s dive on in to your questions…
DATING, HOME LIFE AND HAPPINESS
Do I date?
I’m not currently dating anyone but I do date yes.
Do I want to meet someone? Are relationships possible when I travel so much?
I haven’t actually had a boyfriend for 3 years now and whilst I’ve gone through stages of saying ‘i’m too busy’ ‘i travel too much’ etc etc, I absolutely believe that a relationship is possible. Albeit I’m potentially not the easiest candidate to get to know when I have such a busy schedule but you make time for what you want to make time for, right? I’m thriving in my career right now and I’m very happy so I’m not actively going out of my way to find a relationship. I guess i’m waiting until the right man enters my life at which point i’ll be encouraged to shift things around a bit.
I would say more so now than ever, I’m open to it.
I absolutely cannot wait to share my life with someone, like really, the thought fully excites me but I’m also in no rush for it. Sure there are moments I sit and think how lovely it would be to have that someone by my side but in not having a boyfriend I’ve had more time to develop the amazing friendships I now have around me. You can’t have it all, all the time and I’m pretty happy with how things are.
I want to be ready for that next stage of my life and to never look back and wish I’d done things different.
Do I get confused when I meet someone travelling? Holiday romances are holiday romances right?
Honestly. I could go to town on this one. I meet people when i’m travelling all the time and more often than not if someone takes my interest romantically, chances are they live far from my home and the time we share whilst travelling is very limited. On work trips I meet people for a couple of days or even hours at a time and there’s not much room for anything to blossom within that. It can be hard to develop relationships when I’m moving so much, I could meet someone compatible but not even know it.
Meeting someone travelling is also hard because it can be super intense. You are usually in a heightened environment and passion in any form can take over, particularly if you know your time is limited. Separating lust from a potential relationship is hard. It takes way longer than a few days to get to know someone but if that’s all you have, you just run with it. It so hard though to then, on both parts, make the commitment (sometimes 15 hour plane journeys) to explore if there’s more.
As someone that develops attachments quite quickly I find the ‘constantly moving’ part of my job and the difficulty of developing friendships/relationships, probably up there with the hardest. Saying goodbye has never been my strong point!
Do I find it hard to feel settled when I’m home? Do I struggle to come home?
There aren’t actually many periods where I’m home in London for more than 3/4 weeks which is great because usually within 1/2 weeks I’m ready to move again. I guess after a couple of weeks, the novelty of routine, working out and cooking starts to wear off and then I’m usually considering booking some flights to the mountains or booking some kind of escape from the city.
I don’t see it as a struggle to come home though at all. I just think some people thrive on adventure and new experiences and I think i’ll always be someone that’s ready to explore at any given second. Everything in moderation though, I do more and more so love nights in now with a bath and my pjs!
I wouldn’t have thought you’d live in a city? Aren’t mountains your favourite place?
I have a love / hate relationship with London. It’s an awesome place to be in your 20’s, it’s provides an insane platform for pursuing creative dreams and I have a lot of friends here but something definitely calls me to a home that’s more buried in nature. When the time’s right, i’ll be off to find it.
What’s my workout regime?
When I’m travelling, i’m usually engaging in active adventure. If there’s a mountain nearby, I’m hiking it. If there’s an activity, I’m doing it and if there’s a gym at the hotel, i’ll be in there.
When i’m on the road, time is not something I have an abundance of and whilst I will consider working out every day without fail usually sleep, rest or work will have to be prioritised. Keeping on track, or keeping myself how I like, when i’m on the road is an on going battle.
I certainly love coming home to a fridge full of fresh food and a more frequent gym routine. In the gym I will usually do:
- 10-20 minute incline walk (15 incline, 6mph)
- 10 minutes interval sprints (0 incline 14-18mph)
- Then I will do a butt / abs / arms circuit for 20 minutes and rotate the body parts each day to even it out
Am I always happy?
Not at all. I’m riding the waves of life too! We all are.
Absolutely no one is happy all the time, no one is perfect and no one is fully content every second of the day. It’s not realistic to think that people are so rid of that expectation for yourself right now.
One thing I am good at, which has happened over time, is picking myself back up when I don’t feel so good. I’ve learnt techniques that bring me back to my happy place quicker each time and generally once i’m there, i’m there again for a while. It’s all part of getting to know yourself and your triggers.
How do I combat my down days?
Being grateful is everything. Practising gratitude and taking time to acknowledge the things in my life that are going well, or that do make me happy is so poignant in turning around the bad days. It’s a lot easier an option to take a seat on the downward spiral and slide your way into a ‘sick day’ but you’ve got to find the effort to combat it at some point and catching your mind earlier is key.
Remind yourself of all the things you love and the people that love you instead of focusing on the things you don’t.
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What’s my advice when everything gets too much. What do I do when I feel anxious, stressed and overwhelmed?
This is definitely still something I’m working on. There have been multiple times in my life where i’ve felt particularly overwhelmed, overworked and have fallen to the floor in a ball of stress and tears. Honestly that too is normal. Everyone has triggers and things that make them stressed but it’s important to watch out for reoccurring stress.
If i’m repeatedly getting stressed over something in particular, I take note and think about how I could reduce that stress or overcome the problems so that it’s less likely to happen again. Most of my stress comes from time pressures and in turn the inability to get everything that I want to get done, done.
I’ve always been a perfectionist and I’m learning to let things be good enough. I’m learning that the reward of getting it done to a certain standard something isn’t worth the cost of my peace and mental health.
Breathing is key in any overwhelming situation / emotion. It may seem hard to think about when you’re in the heat of the moment but even in my most stressful situations, learning to control my breath has rationalised and enabled me to solve quicker.
If ever I’m feeling like my thoughts and stresses are hard to navigate through alone, I call my counsellor and book in a session to talk it through.
See my ’11 Reasons why you should never be embarrassed about going to counselling’ blog post here.
Love as always + happy adventuring,
Mollie.
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